"Kids will give you the biggest hug right before absolutely destroying your self-esteem in a drawing"
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
explaining to my daughter that mommy is an alto 2 and a lot of these disney songs and nursery rhymes are not in my exquisite range
— am rod (@arod_twit) September 17, 2024
I gave my 9yo a smartwatch so he could text me in an emergency.
Today's text: a soccer ball hit me right in the nuts.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 16, 2024
Kids will give you the biggest hug right before absolutely destroying your self-esteem in a drawing
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 16, 2024
I’ve had a name of my daughters friend in my phone for a year now but only listed as “Addie’s mom” and I literally have no idea what this woman’s name is and I talk to her all the time at school functions and birthday parties THIS is the hardest part of parenting
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 16, 2024
I thought my attitude was so cute until I procreated a tiny replica of myself.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 18, 2024
The best thing about my kids' school is that anytime anyone has ever called me in the middle of the school day, as soon as I answer they say "HiMrsMulrooneyeverythingsfine" and save me two and a half seconds of Mom Panic.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 18, 2024
The fact that my kids think having cereal for dinner is a treat, is my greatest parenting win
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 16, 2024
Went to a kid’s birthday party where they gave away slime and glitter glue. So I’m signing up the parents as volunteers for every school event
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 17, 2024
First rule of kids sleep is You Do Not Brag About How Well Your Kids Sleep or the Sleep Fairy will come and take the sleep away
— sarah (@sarahradz_) September 17, 2024
My 9yo did well on a test so I complimented her a few times, but my 6yo was unhappy and asked “Why did you compliment her 4 times but you only complimented me 3 times when I did well on my test?”
So, I turned myself in to the appropriate authorities for processing.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) September 19, 2024
That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 14, 2024
11 had attitude tonight and my wife said "okay I'm done talking about this right now" and his response was "GOOD I'm glad you are" and I left the room so he could be murdered in silence.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 15, 2024
I was telling a younger person about how I used to attach a club to my car's steering wheel as a way to keep it from being stolen and my pants pockets magically became filled with Werther's originals
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) September 19, 2024
My kid invented a game but told me it was too complicated and I wouldn't understand. Reader, he is throwing a stuffed animal repeatedly in the air and catching it
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 19, 2024
Love to spend $200 on groceries and then go to pack kid lunches the next day and still have no idea what I’m supposed to put in there.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 14, 2024