Slate Plus members get more Care and Feeding every week. Have a question about kids, parenting, or family life? Submit it here!

Dear Care and Feeding, 

A month ago, my 5-year-old nephew, “Landen,” spent a week with me and my husband while my sister “Amy” was in the hospital waiting to give birth to her second child. On the afternoon my mother was scheduled to pick up Landen to take him home, we all waited out in the front yard for the last 15 minutes before her arrival.

Landen had brought his pet parakeet, “Georgie,” with him and had the bird out of its cage and sitting on his hand (its wings were clipped). When my mother pulled up, he set Georgie on top of his cage and went to greet her. He hadn’t taken more than a few steps when a hawk swooped down, snatched the parakeet, and flew off before anyone could move to stop it. Needless to say, Landen was heartbroken. My mother was furious. She blamed my husband and me for what happened, loaded Landen into the car, and drove off.

Later in the day, my brother-in-law called and blasted me, saying my nephew had been “thoroughly traumatized” and called me and my husband irresponsible for supposedly allowing Landen’s parakeet to be put in a dangerous situation. I expressed regret about what had happened to the parakeet and even offered to get him a new one, but pointed out that Landen had routinely taken Georgie outside in their yard at their home, and this could have just as easily happened at their place (our community is a quasi-rural one with no shortage of wildlife). Amy then came on the line and said that the death of the parakeet had “cast a dark cloud” over the birth of their new baby and that she expected us to pay for Landen to go to a therapist. I reiterated how sorry I was over what happened, but firmly explained that I would do no such thing. The loss of the bird wasn’t my doing; it was something unfortunate that could not have been predicted. Amy responded by saying that if I ever wanted to see Landen, the new baby, and “ever be a family again,” I was going to pay for her son’s therapy and hung up on me. I decided to give her some time to cool off and have been waiting for her to reach out again, but it’s been radio silence.

My husband thinks Amy and her husband are being unreasonable, and while I agree with him, part of me wonders if paying for several therapy sessions for Landen would be worth it to restore peace in the family. Is it?

—One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Nest

Dear Cuckoo, 

There is an episode of Bluey where Bluey and Bingo (the two sibling dogs in the Heeler family) are pretending to be grannies, and Bingo keeps interrupting the game to do the floss dance. Bluey gets mad because “grannies can’t floss” and goes so far as to call their grandmother to prove her point. Bluey is proved correct but Bingo runs off and doesn’t want to play anymore. When Bluey consults her mom, her mom tells her that she needs to decide: Does she want to be right, or does she want to get Bingo back into the game? Bluey decides she’d rather play with her sister so she teaches the grandmother to “floss,” thus allowing Bingo to be “right.” Afterwards, they resume the game.

Popular in Advice

This is your Bluey moment. I think your family is being incredibly unreasonable, and I’m curious whether they have a history of making these histrionic demands of others, in which case I would tell you to proceed with extreme caution before making any concessions. (Blowing up the family over a parakeet is certainly a choice, and I’m nervous about the precedent this could set.) However, if this is new behavior, and if a few sessions of therapy make this go away, maybe that’s worth it in service of the greater good. Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself: Do you want to be right (and hold your ground) or do you want to keep the peace?

If you do decide to pay for the therapy, I advise a meeting of the minds with your sister and brother-in-law to talk about it. There needs to be an agreement that once the (short-term) therapy is paid for, the issue of the parakeet is closed—no one gets to hold this over your heads anymore. And I hope you’d be able to talk about how hurt you are that they would let the bird come between you all in the first place. Good luck.

—Allison

More Advice From Slate

was recently asked by a friend to watch her 10-year-old child. I declined because I had a work commitment that day. But I didn’t tell her the truth. Honestly, I don’t want to watch them. They’re not well-behaved when we’re together. They don’t respect boundaries that are set by their parent or myself. They refuse to leave my pets alone, demand access to the TV, and act bratty when they don’t get their way…