Dear Abby: My sister-in-law always picks fights with my wife and rages about life whenever she is around us. She claims to have PTSD from military service, but how do we deal with this?
Setting Boundaries is Key
My sister-in-law “Bethany” has been diagnosed with PTSD from her military service. For the past 15 years, Bethany has picked fights with my wife, her sister, over anything and everything. She feels my wife “changed” after she married me. Bethany didn’t like how we treated their father after we moved in four years ago so we could take care of him. (He recently passed.) She also doesn’t like that we are living in the house that was her childhood home. She starts fights that escalate into screaming matches, while making herself out as the victim. She keeps reminding us that she has PTSD. My wife screams, cries, and sobs during these conversations.
Seeking Relief
My wife won’t cut Bethany off because they’re siblings, but I’m sick and tired of seeing her in tears trying to figure out what she did wrong. Whenever Bethany comes to visit, she ends up staying at our house. The fights are unbearable. I have begged and pleaded for my wife to cut her off. It’s affecting me now.
Taking Control
Dear Powerless: Please share this with your wife. Has it not occurred to her that she has done NOTHING wrong, and that Bethany’s rages may have less to do with PTSD than plain old jealousy? By now, the two of you must have realized that the price of having a relationship with her sister is too high. That your wife would allow herself to be repeatedly abused this way mystifies me. When Bethany starts up again, your wife should hang up the phone. If Bethany shows up and can’t control herself, she should not be allowed in. If she’s already in, she should be told to leave immediately. Until the two of you draw a firm line, nothing will change, and it could very well destroy your marriage.