'AITA for not telling my ex-wife that we lived in a rental apartment?'

Hi. Back in 2008 when I started University, I rented a 2 bedroom apartment with my (ex)girlfriend at the time and my friend & his girlfriend. We got a great deal for it, as the owner of the place lost his job because of everything that happened back then and decided to try her luck abroad where she still lives.

Years went by and after University my friend and his GF decided to find a place of their own, as we had full-time jobs, renting this apartment together did not seem expensive anymore, and also did not seem expensive to rent alone after we broke up some time later.

So there I was, alone in a 2-bedroom apartment in the central part of the city.
The owner decided that she was too lazy to mess with bills and stuff every month and made arrangements for me to pay everything directly, as I earned her trust, I still pay her monthly rent which is very cheap for today and deal with everything else having her authorization.

Because of the perfect location, my second bedroom was basically "free BNB" for my friends who did not live in the city and I did not mind, it is good to have company if you live alone. In 2020 I met a girl who was in a rush to get married and as I was madly in love we did in 2021.

For some reason, I never told her the story of how I rented the place or that it was a rental at all, it just never came up! I have been so used to the fact that I am an authorized representative with building cooperative things etc, that I refer to it as my place. Our relationship started to cool down and we found out that we were not perfect for each other after all, so divorce it is.

So we did the paperwork for divorce and she is moving out. A few days ago I received an email from her with a real estate valuation document as an attachment - while I was not at home she wasted 500€ for someone to evaluate an apartment that does not belong to us...and wrote that I probably have to take a loan to pay her the 50% of that.

I replied to her, didn't I ever tell her that this place is a rental? Why does she even assume that I can afford a 2-bedroom apartment in the city centre? She knows where I work and how much I earn. She called and screamed at me, that I had lied to her for years and hid the fact that the apartment was rental!

Then she tells me that well, she will take the car as we got that together! And I was quiet for a moment and then told her: "You do know that is a lease right? The owner of the car is the bank!" Then she demanded that I pay for the valuation and I replied "I did not ask you to do it!" She called me an AH and ended the call.

Of course, she told our whole friends group how I "lied to her during the whole marriage" and there was a discussion in a messenger group with friends that if is it a lie or not, whether was it an AH thing to do, some agree with me and some with her. My best friend told me this is a topic for this thread, so I ask AITA?

People had lots of comments and questions to add.

corgihuntress wrote:

It's odd you didn't tell her, but also odd that it wasn't part of your conversation about life and who was paying for things and how and so on. NTA.

OP responded:

She did cover ~50% of the utility bills, as she wanted to contribute.
And it was no secret, that I had been living there for a very long time, I just never spelt it out that "this is rental."

I think she assumed I owned it because we did some maintenance there together that you normally don't do in a rental - changed the wallpaper in the living room and got a few appliances when old ones broke down.

another_online_idiot wrote:

NTA. I wonder why she was in such a rush to get married? Was her plan all along to get married and then take you for half of everything after a couple of years?

Cold_Light_299792458 wrote:

Out of curiosity, which EU country do you live in that she would claim half of anything when it’s premarital assets? (Which clearly wasn’t in this case coz rental, but just wondering).

NTA for not disclosing the rental, though I do find it strange you guys seem to have somehow not communicated enough regarding finances/assets before and during your common life together.

KristinaSaaga responded:

At least in Finland, if there is no prenup. All of possessions of couple are counted together, and divided 50-50, so the wealthier person will have to pay to the other one.

With different kind of prenups, couple can pretty much organize things however they please, for example exclude all the possessions they had before they got married, or inherited family properties etc. But yeah, without prenup it goes 50-50 here, and a lot of people getting married these days seem to somehow forget it.

OP responded:

Yup, Finland it is...

A9J9B wrote:

I'm sorry, this is technically not funny but I laughed so much when she tried to get half of the apartment, failed, then tried to get the car and you just drop "that's a rental" XD She tried so hard. NTA. it's weird that it didn't come up at some point but you are not an aH for not specifically telling her.

Equivalent-Moose2886 wrote:

NTA. You never lied and told her you owned she was the one making assumptions. Even if you rent its not uncommon to refer to it as "my place" or "home" etc. She sounds like a money grabbing b***h, and I'm happy that you rent your apartment and lease your car so you aren't losing half of them to her. At least now you know for sure who she is and that you made the right decision to get divorced.

OP responded:

Yeah, all my friends call their rental places "my place" or "home". imagine "Hey, wanna hang out in the place I rent?" or "It is late, I will go to the place I rent now"

Zero_Fuchs_given wrote:

NTA. Why would she be entitled to half, even if you did own it?

OP responded:

In many/some countries you share everything you own even if you had those before marriage.

sukidu wrote:

NTA. She made an assumption and even though you didn't explicitly tell her it was a rental, she didn't ask either. I have a friend that has been renting the same place for over 15 years and the owner is more than happy with them doing maintenance and basically treating it like their own since they have been such good tenants.

Also saves the owner the hassle of having to organise maintenance through an agent. I can see where it didn't really cross your mind to point out that it was a rental.

OP responded:

Same here - I live in Finland and the owner lives in Australia! I imagine what a hassle it would be to even find a new person while being other side of the world.