A week ago my dad's wife, who's 7 months pregnant, was rushed to hospital after she started bleeding and having issues breathing. My dad's ILs were at the house at the time visiting their daughter and grandkids when it happened. My dad went with his wife. I (17M) went to my sister's (22F) place instead of staying with dad's ILs and his stepdaughter (10) and other kids (3 and 18 months).
Dad's ILs wanted me to stay with the kids so they could go to the hospital to make sure their daughter was okay. I just wanted to get out though and I left without discussing it more. I ended up spending three nights with my sister before dad showed up and demanded I go back to his house.
For context about why I didn't stay and dynamics. Sister and I are full siblings. Dad left mom when she was pregnant with me. After he left mom he got a job driving trucks and wasn't around much. Then he moved an hour from us and started seeing us more.
Then he moved even closer and tried to get equal parenting time but since he hadn't taken all the time he was offered before, never paid his child support and didn't have a place big enough to give us our own rooms (and wouldn't give up his bedroom for one of us) he was turned down. He ended up getting married, becoming a stepdad and having more kids with his wife.
Last year my mom died and my dad and sister battled in court for custody. I wanted to live with my sister. The courts said my dad should get a chance since he never really had much time with me. They said my sister was too young to really support me like dad could. I protested it but it didn't help.
I'm going to live with my sister as soon as I turn 18 and we have a plan for that. Dad doesn't know but keeps trying to make me forgive him and give his family a chance and to try and be a family with them. I'm not interested. Not in his kids either. He tried to sell me on being an older sibling until he realized I don't care about his kids.
His wife decided if I didn't want to give them a chance then she wouldn't let me have any photos of my mom or sister in her house. I gave them all to my sister. She even went through my stuff to see.
Ever since she reminds me almost daily that I'll regret not wanting anything to do with her kids when they're older. She also wished for my sister to end up homeless because my sister didn't want to know her kids either. Oh, and because she had gone to court to make sure dad was going to still pay the child support for her that he never paid mom.
Back to the current stuff. After my dad made me go back to his place he yelled at the top of his lungs at me for abandoning "my family" and for not showing more concern for his wife and the unborn baby. Or for the kids who could have lost their mom for all I knew.
He told me he deserved better than that. I told him he deserved nothing from me or my sister. He told me my actions showed I'm not growing into a man but a pathetic little boy. AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
NTA. He told you you are growing into a pathetic little boy? Well he wasn't there when you were a little boy so nobody to blame but himself. Don't feel bad, OP. Just try to endure for few months more.
OP responded:
He did. He was trying to make sure I knew he was disappointed in me. But he doesn't seem to understand that I don't care if he is or isn't disappointed in me. Just like my sister doesn't care. He disappointed us long enough.
NTA. Wait it out. You don't want your dad to go to the cops on your sister or fight her in court more. Make sure she is storing all your important paperwork like birth certificate, passport, driver's license, SS card, etc.
Change bank accounts and move all your money to a new bank..lock down your credit at all 3 credit bureaus so he doesn't try to steal your identity. Also, file taxes FIRST every new tax year so he doesn't try to claim you once you turn 18.
Once you leave and turn 18, you can put them all on blast if you want. They failed you and your sister. Go no contact too. And see if you can still get the missing child support to help you pay for college! Good luck OP.
NTA. The in-laws are better suited to watching 3 young kids than a 17 year old kid. They could tag team visit the hospital between all 3 of them or get other people to help. You don’t owe your Dad anything after the way he treated you your entire life.
NTA. Your dad is just a sh!tty human being. As for your stepmother, I am a woman and for the life of me I can’t understand women that marry and have children with men that already have children and never took care of them. What has to be broken in your head to go: ”Ah he has two children that he couldn’t give a damn about, let me marry and have children with this man”.
CivMom said:
You owe your dad NOTHING. He owes you: being an empathetic parent. Did he get you therapy after your mom died? Does he understand how lost and alone you feel at his house? No? Then he’s failing.
I’m so sorry. Can you ask the courts to move? Do you have a Guardian Ad Litem? A CASA? Or can you hang in there for a few months?
You can always report him to a school counselor or call the hotline yourself. But that’s a messy way to go. Effective but messy. Big hugs.
OP responded:
The judge made it perfectly clear I am with my dad until I turn 18. That he would not reconsider and no other judge would if we got a new one on the case. I don't have anything like that. I couldn't afford it either. I'm doing my best to just get through the next few months but I hate being here more as the days pass.